I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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