Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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