Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
