My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
