Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
