My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
