somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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