this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
