You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
