God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
