is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
