Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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