it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
