Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
