This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
