i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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