He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
