just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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