Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
