So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
