Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
