I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
MIDGETS
????
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
