I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My vagina is officially offended.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
