Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
false alarm, still single
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
