I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
