Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
