it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
