How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He felt like a one man threesome
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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