"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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