i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
smell my finger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
