Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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