We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
