You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
