God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
