I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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