dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
