GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
