Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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