I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
