Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
