Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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