You smell like a Billy Joel song
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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