i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
