Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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