you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
