Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
