Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
