We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
