what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize