Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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