No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
