Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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