please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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