Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
