I cannot find my penis.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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