giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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