In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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