i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
