Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
