i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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