Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
