Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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