Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
