shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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