We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
