Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
