I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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