Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
