I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
