how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
