Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
