Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
