apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
