Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
