Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
