cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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