my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
