i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
