I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
