So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
