The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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