Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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