I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
