Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
