At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
